This guy recently asked me why women always complain that we want a ‘nice guy’, because when we get one, we label him as being ‘too nice’ and promptly move on to the ‘bad boy’. We know he’s bad news bears and we know he’ll probably break our hearts, but we do it anyways. Challenge accepted. I took a deep breath and calmly told him that he is in fact WRONG. And here’s why.
Yes it’s true that, as women, we tend to want one thing but then flirt with another. I really don’t know why that is. Maybe it’s because we’re human, and like most people on this world, we really don’t know what we want 100% of the time. And can you blame us? With all of the issues that women have to deal with is it really our fault that we’re confused?
After hearing this, my friend was like “Okay, great. So you agree with me then!” I was like “Homeboy, not quite”. Here’s the thing about ‘nice guys’, there are so many different types. There’s the mamma’s boy nice guy, the highly emotional and in touch with his feelings nice guy, the attentive nice (my personal favourite), and then there’s the creepy nice guy. When women say they want a ‘nice guy’ what they really want is an attentive guy that picks up on our feelings, knows when to leave us alone, isn’t over jealous/spontaneous/a bro, and has the ability to put us first once in awhile. You know….just someone perfect (because that’s a thing).
It’s those other types of ‘nice guys’ that give a bad rep, and here’s why. Women are already emotional beings as it is, we really don’t want to deal with an emotional man on top of that. It’s just too much. We can’t both be freaking out and internalizing every conversation we’ve had. If both of us can be a hot mess that blow up over the smallest things, nothing will ever get done. We feel everything, and to be honest, we really don’t want you to as well.
Listen up mamma’s boys! We want to be the number one lady in your life, competing with your mother is not cute. Of course we want you to respect and love her, she’s obviously an amazing person for raising you, but come on! There’s comes a point when you have to let go! We can separate our fathers from you, why can’t you do the same with your mothers? I find it strange when people are so attached to their parents, don’t get me wrong, I love mine, but I’m not one that needs to be around them 24/7 or have their permission and/or opinion on everything I do.
Now here’s my least favourite, and the one that (I think) gets the most flack, the creepy nice guy. These are the men that are so socially awkward that it’s making you feel weird. They probably don’t have much experience with women, are nervous to be in your presence, try to crack jokes to ease the tension (they’re probably not funny), are constantly friend zoned and have a tendency to awkwardly stand there in big groups.
Listen, we get that you’re nervous, chances are, so are we, but what we can’t handle is when you’re constantly staring (from a dark corner), going out of your way to “accidentally bump into us”, and are always asking what we’re up to, or when you can see us next. Like, slow your roll, give us just a little bit of space.
I’m not saying that it isn’t flattering to know that someone likes you enough to go out of their way to be around you, because let’s be honest, it is. But there’s a certain way to go about it. I feel bad, because it’s like if you’re too strong you’re a dick and if you’re too tame your one of these categories of being a ‘nice guy’.
So back to my conversation with my friend, at the end of my rant, I asked him if this made anymore sense. The poor thing looked more confused than ever. He put his hands through his hair, sighed and said “I get it, but now I’m just worried. Where do I fall in all this?” I pat him on the back and said “Mamma’s boy. Definitely.”
What do you think?
Do you know someone that falls into these categories?
It’s really not fair is it?